can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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