It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
