My room smells like vodka and shame
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
