I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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