i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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