he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
