There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
