It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
