I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
