im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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