I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
they need to just BURY HIM!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
