I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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