dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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