Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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