Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
