she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
