The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
