pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
