I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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