like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
