"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
