sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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