Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?

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(925): View more from California

so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.

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(214): View more from Texas

I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

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(+45): View more from Denmark

Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong

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(775): View more from Nevada

Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.

(443): View more from Maryland

Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle

(410): View more from Maryland

I really hate whoever invented fireball.

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(208): View more from Idaho

eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby

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