will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
