Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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