I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
