If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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