a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So much rum. So many feels.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
