Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
