that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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