we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
