I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this must be what syphilis tastes like
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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