dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
