at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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