I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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