I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize