At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
