So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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