whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
