Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
