I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
