He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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