worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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