Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
