this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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