Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
