I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
