Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would fuck him just for his dog
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