What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
