woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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