if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
