just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
