Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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