He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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