"it" just moved
I've blown a few things in my day
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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