Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
