I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize