I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
