What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
