She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
