if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
