I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
