I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
