I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
