We won't sleep together?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
