i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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