Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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