I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
