after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
