I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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