Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
