we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize