They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize