Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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