The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
