I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
