Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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