Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
