Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
